Monday, August 22, 2011

Flash Monday

I know that if you want to publish something, you don’t post it on a public website. I never had any illusions that this piece would be published anywhere; it's too short, and isn't really a story, exactly, but it's finished. It's got no place to go from here (at least not as far as I can see), so I'm presenting it to you.

I wrote this in my Writer’s Group back on May 23rd. We were working off a prompt, but I was distracted by a barrage of artificial sounds spilling into our writing area from out on the street. I wrote three pieces that day: One, a brief exposition on cell phones and ring tones in general; this one here; and a third involving a teacher who was out of touch with his students. That last one has promise, though I don't know where to go with it, and I haven't really looked at it since I wrote it. This piece has changed very little since it flew out of my head that afternoon. I hope you enjoy it.

The Ringtone

Ominous music poured out of Richie’s pants.

Dun dun dun, DA duh-dun, Da duh-DUN.

“Crap,” he said, reaching for his pocket. “It’s the wife.”

I laughed. “You use Darth Vader’s theme song as your wife’s ringtone?”

Richie’s hand paused halfway to his ear. He said, without a trace of humor, “If you lived with her you’d know why.”

He flipped open the phone, plastered a phony smile on his face, and injected saccharine into his voice. “Hey, honey, how are you?”
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10 comments:

  1. Oh I say you keep going with it. Right now I'm actually imagining that the MC's wife IS Darth Vader.

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  2. Hah! I love how you wrote the sound out. I was able to guess it without explanation. :D

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  3. Thanks for the comments, all. Steve, I really felt like it was done, but now I see ALL KINDS of possibilities for 'The Wife' to make a rather attention-grabbing entrance.

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  4. Haha. I know someone who thought about using that ring tone for their mother. I think you could definitely keep going with this.

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  5. I absolutely love the first line. Darth Vader's theme for the wife's ringtone - I want to know more about this guy! Catchy beginning.

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  6. Thanks, Robin and Jennifer.

    The first line made my writer's group laugh out loud. It's nice to get that kind of response. Maybe I'll have to poke around with this one a bit more....

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  7. "Ominous music poured out of Richie’s pants." ROFL

    However, the rest of it's sad.

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  8. Haha, I loved it Jeff. I know someone in my extended family who is exactly like that. Bravo! I'm jealous about your writer's group; I want one.

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