I'm in one of those funny spots.
My manuscript is sitting here in front of me, open to page
304. There are 68 printed pages left. I have about 600 words to will add in,
something I think will make the ending a little more satisfying. The finish
line is in sight. My goal: to start querying, with all the excitement, terror
and disappointment that that brings. Also the anticipation and, maybe, relief
as well.
And yet….On Thursday night, after chauffering the Catbird
and her friend down to a movie, I had time: time to write, time to revise, time to make headway toward my goal of having the manuscript query ready by the end of the month—and I got nothing done. Nada. Zilch. And I came home last night and thought,
"It's Friday, Friday (sing it, everyone); no Saturday morning obligations,
I can stay up all night, I can work on this, I can finish it by the end of the
weekend." Instead, we caught up on Revolution (I don't know if you watch
this show or not, but I'm enjoying this season more than last. Last
season, there was just a little too much 'let's travel incredible distances on
foot and somehow make it there before the seasons change' happening. This
season has our heroes mostly concentrated in one place, and I think that's to
the benefit of the program's believability quotient. But anyway…), and then we watched a couple of episodes of Malcolm inthe Middle, which for my money is still one of the funniest TV shows ever, and I went to bed without working on the manuscript at all. And here I
am at 8 AM on Saturday, with no
obligations, and I'm writing a blog post. What's the deal?
Well, I know two deals. One, the section I'm working on is a
problem. I'm at the end of Chapter 21, though on my last read through I noted
that it probably should be its own chapter. The section needs to be in the
book, yet I started retyping the opening paragraph half-a-dozen times, and it
just feels—wrong. I can't put my finger on it. And trying to rework it gave me
that itchy feeling inside my head and made me agitated, so I decided to skip it
and go watch TV instead. Oh, wait, I actually worked on the query a little bit,
but that made my head even worse.
I've been here before, and I think my probem is I'm afraid
of is the next step. I like this manuscript. I like the story, I like the
characters, and I think it's got potential to sell. But I know that part of the
problem is with that potential. Potential. It's like a rock poised at the top
of a hill. Potential. Once I release this thing, once I get the query letter
written, once I push the rock at the top of the hill, it no longer has
potential. It's going to roll down the hill. It's going to smash into things
and run over things, but eventually it's going to come to rest somewhere. It
could be in the middle of someone's living room or backyard. Or it could come
to rest in a field somewhere, unnoticed. Or it could roll into a lake and sink
to the bottom. It's a scary place to be, and I know many of you have been
there. As long as I keep the manuscript at the top of the hill, it's got
potential. It can be a bestseller. It can be a blockbuster. It can be the next Twilight, I can be the next Stephen King.
Once it starts rolling, however….
Have a great weekend, all.
Hey Jeff... you are elegantly expressing the angst of writers everywhere.
ReplyDeleteOf course, you already have the answer, but I will underscore it here in the spirit of one of your earlier posts: "It's time to push that motherfuckin' rock off that motherfuckin' hill." :-)
Hah, good one, Dan. Now THAT one came through clearly in Jules Winnfield's voice.
DeleteToo true, my friend! An author I know, who had been seeking traditional publication for her western books faced a nearly fatal illness about three years ago. It was her wakeup call. The idea that she could die with all her books still sitting on her computer was unacceptable. She decided to go the indie route and has been doing fabulously well. Award-winning well.
ReplyDeleteThat's excellent, Donna, and it's terrific that the choices are so much better than they were 20, 30 years ago.
DeleteAnd I should add, that it's not excellent that she suffered a nearly fatal illness, but that she's found such great success as an indie.
DeleteI often feel I'm not getting anywhere, but I'd never have gotten published if it wasn't for the support of my CPs. After a year, I was fixated on my novel's imperfections, but my CPs convinced me to start querying. Maybe you need some people you trust to push you. Good luck! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lexa. I know it's time to start querying. Now I'm trying to make sure my query is good enough, hah hah. That should only take another 2, 3 years (not).
DeleteAnd this just illustrates how crazy writers are. Because I go through this same emotional swing every time I finish a project. I'm at the end of my current manuscript too, and I'm stalling!! Apparently I'm trying to hold off the inevitable pain of rejection. Blah. Good luck with your manuscript, though. Get it out there, get beat up, and then embrace the good news when it finally happens. My friend just got an agent after eighty rejections, so hang in there. :))
ReplyDeleteWe are a crazy bunch, aren't we? I guess we're in that "This is really good---what if we're wrong?" stage! I'm just hoping for less 'beat up' and more 'good news' this time around. Thanks!
DeleteI've come up with a million excuse as to why I can't continue to seek publication for a sort of true fiction novel I've written, from I didn't work hard enough on it, to it's too personal. The fact is I have already gotten two rejections and I am a scared little puss who has had too much ego stroking in her young writer years who expects instant success. I am weak. And reading this post...I'm still weak. But I think I'm going to dust it off and query some more. Thanks. I needed this today....
DeleteTiffany--thanks for coming by and sharing. Each rejection should make you a little stronger than the last, though sometimes they can sort of pile up on your back and weigh you down. Use the rejections as fuel for your determination, and you will get stronger. Good luck and come back anytime.
DeleteThanks for being an encouragement to us newbs and I certainly will come back!
DeleteYou have to set your book free in order for it to fly. So get those 68 pages done and set it free! :)
ReplyDeleteThe 68 pages are done. They were done when I posted on Monday. I'm doing one more quick pass to tighten up the front end of the MS and I'm polishing the query. And then.....
DeleteThere's a blog where you can post your query and get some feedback: http://openquery.blogspot.com/ (Rick Daley runs it). It's been kind of quiet for awhile, but I believe people still check it out.
DeleteThanks, Stacy. I'm also considering putting it up on AW's Query Letter Hell--they're pretty merciless over there, but typically right on the mark, too.
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