And Now...Deja Vu

Three (!) years ago, I wrote a piece here called The Second Week Blues, in which I chronicled how The Magpie had done great at school for the first week plus, then hit a bump. What I didn't tell you is that there was more to the story. Yes, she had picked up a nasty computer virus which kept her up late into the night, but around the same time, there was something else that kept her up all night as well. And I woke up early (as I tend to do) on a weekend morning and found a message on the answering machine from her, a very unhappy message that was left after a very unhappy incident involving one of her suite-mates that pulled The Magpie in because the walls are thin in those dorms.

Flash forward three years. Yesterday morning it was The Catbird leaving an early-morning message, again due to an incident involving a dorm-mate that began around 3 a.m. and left her a little shaken. The good news is no one was hurt as far as I can tell. Alcohol was involved in this case, as it was in the incident in The Magpie's dorm 3 years ago, as it is in so many things that go wrong on college campuses these days. How this one will play out remains to be seen, but it raises a question: How do you know the difference between being homesick and knowing that a place is not for you? (This is not The Catbird's question; despite the incident, she's still pretty solid)


The person in the incident in The Catbird's dorm has a very bad case of homesickness and has declared her intention to leave school. My wife and I are in agreement here: one week is not enough to know (in most cases, at least); you need to give it more time. But how long is long enough? How much time do you need to power through to the other side? At what point do you go from saying, "Give it more time, you'll get over it" to "Okay, come on home"? Everyone is different, so the answer will vary for each person, but it IS a good question, an important question. Some people are not ready for life away from home at 18, and some people are not suited for every place. I do not envy this person, or her parents. Withdrawing from a college is a big decision, one that should not be made lightly, and I hope they make the right decision.


And now, music. Something melancholy, I think, given the mood.


Finally, I should point out that Agent Carrie is once more open to submissions for her Query Critique Contest! If you've got a query ready to go, check out her blog and find out how to enter, and then check back to critique the query when it's posted. Critiquing queries is a great way to hone your own skills at writing those oh-so-difficult beasts that are oh-so-necessary.

That's it, have a great week!

The Second Week Blues

This is not a post about writing, not exactly. But then again, it's about life, so I'm sure there's some practical applications in it, especially to you New Adult writers.

The Magpie officially entered her second week at college yesterday, though she was not quite through her first week of classes. We took her last Wednesday and she had five full days to get settled and meet people. The school sponsored a whole bunch of events, parties, mixers, meetings, on and on, all designed to help new students adjust to college life.

We talked to her three times that first weekend, then used the wonders of Skype to videochat on Monday. Everything was great. She was having fun (but not the wrong kind of fun), she had connected with a couple of people who look like they could be good friends, and she reports that she hasn't met anyone who's a jerk (despite some drunken shouting from the courtyard outside her dorm late one night). When my wife suggested we come out there for a day over the coming weekend (on the pretense of back-to-school shopping for the Catbird), the Magpie hemmed and hawed and gave a non-committal response. It looked like she was going to push us off until Parents' weekend in October.

She's a smart kid, the Magpie. She didn't want move-in day to be a protracted affair with her family hanging around. It wasn't quite here's-your-dorm-gotta-go-see-you-at-Thanksgiving, but it wasn't  long and drawn out, either. She was anxious to get on with things, and it's tough to start forging connections when your parents and sister are hanging around all day. That attitude--"I need to be independent"--continued to come through in Monday's Skype chat. It's not that she didn't want to see us, or that she doesn't miss us; she just knows that the cord needs to be cut, at least a little.

Fast forward to last night. She's gone through a full week minus one day of classes, things are still going well, but as soon as we saw her on the chat, you knew something was wrong. She looked and sounded tired, she poked at the corners of her eyes a lot, and I thought maybe there was a tear or two. But there was a good reason: her computer picked up a nasty trojan, one that's proving difficult to get rid of. It kept her up late the previous night and occupied much of her free time yesterday, and still wasn't solved. The Magpie can have a tough time with adversity; she lets things like this ruin her day (and who can blame her? It's amazing how much of our lives get tied to computers). The funny thing about it, though, was how her attitude about our visit changed in three days. All of a sudden, she wants us to visit this weekend. And once it was decided that we would go, and we were trying to choose a day, she asked what we were doing today. Seems her classes get out at 11:40. Miss us much?

It's all fun and games that first weekend.

Now, she's got a reason to be down. Computer problems are very hard to deal with. And she had an assignment that had to be e-mailed to her instructor by 8 AM this morning, and she couldn't access the internet, so it was on to plan B. Still, I think part of her problem stems from the Week 2 Blues. I have a theory on this. Week 1 is all full of excitement and stimulation, and emotions of every kind. You're in new surroundings, surrounded by new people, all of whom are in the same boat as you. You're trying not to get lost on campus, and trying to figure out which dining hall actually has good food, and you're on your own, away from your parents and siblings. Independence! When classes start, it's more of the same, and very different from the high school dynamic (I remember one of the big shockers for me was a professor cursing in class!). And then week 2 starts. You're getting into routine and finding holes in your day. Two hours until the next class, what to do with yourself? Those holes give you too much time to think about your family and friends, the old hangouts and good times. It gives you time to be homesick, and gives you time to look around at other people and see how comfortable and cool they look. The first night or two at school is tough, because you're very aware of not being home, but it's still fresh and adventurous enough to be fun. The second week, though, watch out.

Of course, I could be wrong. It's been a long time since I went away to college. I think a lot of you are much closer to it. What do you think? Did you experience the 2^nd Week Blues? Have a great weekend, and thanks for stopping by.